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Back then, Ethan had been the man who rubbed my swollen feet, brought me toast in bed, and talked to my stomach every night.
He’d begged for a big family.
Six months earlier.
When we learned I was carrying triplets, he cried harder than I did.
“We’re going to be a team,” he promised. “Every feeding. Every diaper. Every terrible night.”
I believed him.
At a barbecue during my seventh month, Ethan’s friends, Marcus and Ben, handed him a gift bag.
Ethan pulled out a black shirt that read:
“WORLD’S MOST EXHAUSTED FATHER.”
“We’re going to be a team.”
“I think I’m the one who’s going to be exhausted,” I said from my chair.
Ethan pulled it on and posed.
“Diapers, bottles, laundry, night feedings,” he announced. “I’ve got it all.”
I took his picture.
“I’m saving that speech to memory.”
He leaned down and kissed my forehead.
“I’m saving that speech to memory.”
“Save it. I’ll prove it, my love.”
Then Tara, Timothy, and Tessa arrived.
The C-section left me moving as though every part of my body had been stitched too tightly. Even sitting up hurt. Laughing hurt. Coughing felt impossible.
Our first night home, all three babies started crying within minutes of one another.
“Save it. I’ll prove it, my love.”
I reached for Tara and gasped.
“Ethan, can you bring her to me?”
He opened one eye.
“I just lay down.”
“I can’t lift her from here.”
He sighed, carried Tara over, and placed her in my arms.
“I can’t lift her from here.”
Then he got back into bed.
“Timothy needs his bottle,” I whispered.
“You’re already awake.”
I stared at him.
“So are you.”
“I’ve got work tomorrow.”
I stared at him.
I looked at the three bassinets beside our bed.
“And I’ve got three babies who can’t survive without us.”
He turned toward the wall.
On the third night, he entered the room carrying his pillow.
“I’m moving into the guest room.”
Tessa was against my shoulder. Timothy had milk running down his chin, and Tara was crying again.
“And I’ve got three babies.”
“For how long?”
“Until they sleep through the night.”
“They’re newborns.”
“I need eight hours if I’m going to function at work.”
“I need more than 40 minutes if I’m going to function here.”
“You don’t have meetings.”
“They’re newborns.”
I looked at our children.
“No. Just tiny human beings whose lives depend on me.”
Ethan rubbed his face.
“Why do you always have to make me feel guilty?”
“I thought guilt came after doing something wrong.”
His mouth tightened.
I looked at our children.
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